1. 吐槽卸任后的賺錢方法

If this material works well, Im gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans.

2. 評論自己遲到

I do apologize, I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on CPT -- which stands for jokes that white people should not make.

（Colored People Time，即有色人種時間，指黑人總遲到的刻板思維）

3. 預測下一任總統

Next year at this time, someone else will be standing1 here in this very spot. And its anyones guess who she will be.

（用she暗指希拉里克林頓可能當選）

4. 評論民主黨總統參選人伯尼桑德斯

Weve got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight, Mr. Bernie Sanders! Bernie, you look like a million bucks2. Or to put it in terms youll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each.

（伯尼桑德斯的競選基金主要來自普通捐款人，人均捐款數是27USD）

5. 提到伯尼桑德斯與我們的差異

I am a little hurt that youre distancing yourself from me, Bernie. Thats not something you do to your comrade.

（雖然同為民主黨，但伯尼桑德斯是一個社會主義者）

6. 評論我們的支持率上升

In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major.

（曾有報道稱奧巴立刻學時吸毒成癮）

7. 吐槽唐納德特朗普的經營方案

Theres one area where Donalds experience could be invaluable3, and thats closing Guantanamo. Because Trump4 knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.

8. 評論特朗普未到現場

I am a little hurt hes not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising -- you have a room full of reporters, celebrities5, cameras. And he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he be possibly doing instead? Eating a Trump Steak? Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? Whats he doing?

9. 調侃特朗普不懂外交的梗

They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world -- Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan.

10. 拿前紐約市長跟特朗普比較

I see Mike Bloomberg. Mike, a combative6, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and its not you. That has to sting a little bit. Although its not an entirely7 fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth. And hes actually worth the amount of money that he says he is.

（暗諷特朗普不懂政策，吹噓我們的身家達上百億）